


In The Morning, In The Evening

by petpluto



Category: Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Introspection, Post Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-12
Updated: 2013-03-12
Packaged: 2017-12-05 03:05:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/718142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petpluto/pseuds/petpluto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Veronica tries to adjust to a world where her people are dependable. It's not going so well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In The Morning, In The Evening

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Very much not mine

The first thing that she takes stock of, after everything, is something she’s ignored for a long time. And that is that she has people. Veronica Mars, outcast extraordinaire, has a dedicated-if-small band of merry (wo)men of her very own. People who will do ridiculous things and go to extreme lengths on her very say-so.

It’s that specific thought that makes her panic.

It shouldn’t. She should be grateful. She should be thrilled. She should be waxing poetic about the meaning of friendship and how the absolute love all around her has healed her. She should be able to trust more, now. She should want to trust more, now.

Instead, as she works to repair her relationship with her father before heading across the country for an internship she’s not sure she fits anymore (if she ever did), she blockades herself away from the rest of them. From Mac and Wallace and Weevil. She knows Mac and Wallace accept that it is her way, even though they don’t understand. And, God, how she wishes she didn’t know that, like it was a certainty, like it was some Northern Star in her sky, like it was something she could depend on with absolute faith; wishes she didn't, because it will hurt all the more when it’s proven untrue. 

Out of the three, though, it’s only Weevil who knows. Who gets the why of it all. She wonders if it’s proof of how damaged she is that the former leader of a biker gang is the one who gets her best. 

Well, she reflects, one of the ones.

One of the problems with having Logan be the other, she muses as he ambles through her front door, is that at times like these, he’s the one who refuses to be turned away. Even after telling him that they were done, he’s still here.

She moves over as he plops down on the couch, and spares only a second to wonder how he got a set of keys to her apartment before leaning against him. She’s still with Piz. She thinks she’s still with Piz. She knows that once she starts communicating with the outside world again, she’s probably not going to be with Piz for very much longer.

She tries not to let that thought intrude as she lets the vibrations of Logan’s voice as he rants about everything and nothing soothe her.

There’s something about Logan, though, that makes him be the perfect person to snuggle down into when she’s gone to ground. It makes an absurd amount of sense, since Logan has long occupied this perverse paradoxical space in her head as the person she most trusts and the person she most guards against trusting.

When she’s as whole as she ever is, when she’s guarding that wholeness, it is the second part that wins out. Can’t let Logan get too close. Can’t let Logan in too far. Can’t believe in him. Can’t take his presence, his love, his loyalty, on faith. Having been burned before, she takes care not to get too close to his flame. Because she knows just how badly the wounds he inflicts hurt, and how long they take to heal. They’re still not healed.

But at times like this, when the outside world has wounded her grievously, when she’s afraid of the passions and the utter dependability of other people in her world, Logan is who she clings to. 

Even when it was Logan versus Veronica, it was also Logan&Veronica. Versus everyone and anyone else. It still is. No matter how much she tries to drive him away, he still ricochets back into her life. After Lilly left (was ripped away). After Duncan left (willingly, twice). Logan, as volatile and as impassioned and as unreliable as he is, is still here. The hero? He’s the one that stays. And he refuses to let her make him not.

If she’s honest with herself - and she acknowledges that she’s often not, but being stripped bare (both figuratively and literally) before her world and her friends has opened up a sliver of time for this sort of introspection - it’s that part of him that terrifies her more than anything else. Logan doesn’t leave. She believes it to be true. She knows that he isn’t going anywhere. She’s built a lot onto the idea that when she falls, Logan catches her. He’s here, right now, catching her. When she needs him, he’s there. It’s why it hurts so much when he's not.

In her heart of hearts, she knows that she’s too wrapped up in him. He’s buried too deeply into her. They depend on each other too much, especially given that at any particular date in time, they might not even be on speaking terms. It makes other relationships harder to maintain, this part of them. 

He’s quiet now, just resting his arm over her, allowing her to be as close as she wants to him without holding her to him.

She worries that she won’t ever be able to give him what he needs. She fears that he won’t ever be able to give her what she needs. She wants him, so much, and it hurts. But at times like this, when it’s Veronica&Logan versus …, everything else fades away; and she thinks that this may be the moment they get it right.

In the morning, she’ll probably wonder how foolish she could be, thinking that she met The Guy when she was twelve, and is going to make it work forever and ever when she’s nineteen. In the morning, she’ll tell herself that normal people don’t end up with their High School Boyfriend. In the morning, she’ll work on convincing herself that Logan is just her High School Boyfriend, even though they never really got to date in high school. In the morning, she’ll work on the fantasy that she is normal.

But in the evening, he’ll be back. 

It’s something she’s come to depend on.


End file.
